George Carlin once did a great impression of a newscaster reporting the medical community's latest findings: "It was reported today that saliva causes cancer. But only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time."

It is with this ridiculousness in mind that we report to you today that some quack published a report about music being good for your heart. Apparently Prof Delijanin Ilic from the Institute of Cardiology, University of Nis, Serbia tested a bunch of people. Some exercised, some exercised while listening to music, and some just listened to music. (We, of course, would have been in that last group.)

It turns out that—now get this: exercise is good for you.

But that's not the best part. The best part is that Dr. Whatever from Serbia—Serbia of course being the center of the universe in terms of medical research—figured out that even the people who didn't do 100 sit-ups still had improved heart function. Yes, that's right, just from listening to music.

Your next question, no doubt, will be something along the lines of, Which kind of music should I listen to so I can avoid having a heart attack? Good question. Let's get the good doctor's take on it, shall we? "When we listen to music we like then endorphins are released from the brain and this improves our vascular health. There is no 'best music' for everyone - what matters is what the person likes and makes them happy."

So there you have it. Listen to Beethoven, Phoenix or Gregorian chant. It matters not a whit. As long as you listen to music, you'll have a heart like an ox. And they really like oxen in Serbia.